They stood by his side though, Ron and Hermione. It was nice to see he had found some normalicy in life. The three of them reminded me of the four of us, James, Sirius, Lily and I. Peter had always been an after thought, I'm never really sure why James and Sirius let him tag along. The boy was never anything but trouble, always fretting and worrying about what we were doing. More than once we had almost been caught because of him. Damned traitor. We should have known he'd be trouble when his animagus form was a rat.
His eyes draw me in every time I look at him. She had always been so kind, so smart. She had figured me out before the boys had and she had stuck around. She came and sat with me one night, I don't remember exactly when, at some point during our 3rd year. She had tended to a few cuts that Madame Pomfrey hadn't thought were too serious.
"I know, Remus," she had told me quietly. My eyes had darted frantically over her face, waiting for her to try and black male me like so many others had, or say that she was going to tell everyone. "I won't tell a soul," she said. "If that's what you want." I sighed and relaxed.
"Thank you," I told her, taking her hand in mine. She sat and I laid in bed for a long time before I drifted off. She was the first person I had ever met that hadn't tried to take advantage of my . . . .condition for personal gain. She had stayed true to her word and hadn't told a soul.
I think I fell in love with her then. It took years for me to realize, of course, being the daft git that I am. But by then, her and James had involved themselves in some sort of affair that no one quite understood. It was a very violate relationship at first, both battling for control, each trying to change the other. The had come to an agreement at some point after she had thrown him to the curb after one particularly large fight. I think they both realized that they had almost lost each other. She relaxed a little after that and he smartened up.
I had convinced myself I was over her many times over the years and then something would happen; a fight, an accomplishment . . . finally a marriage, a pregnancy and a little boy and I would fall again. If I could have only looked away from her eyes, I would have been fine. That little sparkle or the tear or whatever it was drew me in. He does it too. I knew that Sirius had been made Harry's god father because he was James' best friend but I have a feeling that they both knew I'd never be able to deny him anything if I had been his god father.
The fact that they thought I was a traitor may have had a little to do with it too. That did hurt, that they thought I would betray them. She never did though. I don't know why, but she always believed in me, trusted me. She never said so, but I could tell. It was her eyes. They couldn't hide anything. His don't either.
It hurt to leave him at the end of the year. What I wouldn't have given to be able to keep that post, to stay at that school and keep an eye on him for them, for Sirius. I know Dumbledore will do that, and he'll write, but it's not the same. Sirius was right, it wasn't fair that we got to spend so much time with James and Lily and he so little. It seems even crueler for fate to have placed the two of us with in his grasp and then to take us away before we can even tell him how much he meant to them.
It was definitely the eyes that drew me to him. For Sirius, it was the James-ness of him, but for me, it was his mother's eyes.
*****
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